War of Words
Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles
If we’re honest with ourselves and each other, we all have a problem with words. We probably don’t have to think back too far to the last time that we were hurt by something that was said to us or how we sinned with our words against someone else. That’s the thing with relationships; they will always involve words and communication. Because we are less than perfect human beings, we mess up and are left wondering if we are ever going to change.
Paul Tripp in his classic personal and engaging, yet deep and incisive style gives us a particularly helpful book that I would recommend to anyone looking for hope to grow more like Christ in their communication.
The basic message is that:
God has a good plan for our words
Sin has altered our agenda, leading to hurt.
Jesus gives us abundant grace and provides all we need to speak as God intended.
The Bible teaches us how to get there in giving us a roadmap for the journey ahead.
In short, our word problems are actually heart problems. What we say reveals our misplaced desires and loves (Mark 7:20). Too often we can be quick to justify our words (at least to ourselves) and engage our inner defense lawyers. Instead of seeing opportunities to use our words redemptively, as in how God can work through me in this particular moment and relationship, we easily go on the defense, vent or blame shift.
Tripp brings a lot of encouragement and hope throughout the book, as I read there was much conviction of how I have sinned and continue to sin with my words against others. The good news of the gospel is repeatedly brought to sinners like me and you, not leaving us in self-pity or hopelessness but to lift our eyes from myself to Christ. God is a ‘very present help in trouble’ (Psalm 46:1) and doesn’t look down from afar to scold me for my sin. I need to see how because of who Christ is towards me- forgiving and gracious, empowering me by his Spirit to change, it is possible not to get stuck in the same ruts all over again.
The Lord is at work in every situation to conform us to the image of Jesus Christ and even in our word problems, our conflicts are opportunities for Him to grow you and me. As we face issues with each other- with our spouse, our children, our parents, our boss, our friends, our in-laws, our out-laws, our neighbours and so on… we are called to look at our own hearts first that we might restore one another with gentleness. We start to see God’s plan and not just our own, that we might not ‘win the war’ against the other but together, battle against sin and win a harvest of righteousness side by side.
