Growing Together in Marriage
Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.
2 Cor 13:11
Did you know that the number one reported reason for marriages ending in divorce is ‘growing apart?’ Maybe not the most encouraging way to start an article on marriage, but I think helpful for those of us who are married to consider.
How many of us have spent time in marriage counselling? Not many I’m guessing. Usually, it takes the dire circumstances of an affair, secret addiction or major relational conflict for us to face the awkwardness of inviting someone else to delve into our marriage. We should be able to figure this out on our own, shouldn’t we?
But what if we didn’t need to go to the marriage counsellor? What if as a church we looked out for one another’s marriages and asked hard questions or gave honest answers? I’m certainly no expert in marriage counselling and I’m studying this further through PTC- much of which I’ve been trying to apply in my own marriage.
Life gets busy, schedules are full, nights are hectic getting kids to bed, doing chores and next thing you know we’re both exhausted. Growing apart is a real danger. Have you felt it? It’s a slow drift that takes place without you noticing. We felt it recently and by God’s grace started to talk about where we are at and where things weren’t healthy.
What can you do in a marriage that is going ok, nothing major is wrong, but you’re drifting..?
Here’s three ideas we’re working on, but feel free to share your own with us too.
Time- we all feel short on time, but a relationship can’t grow without regular, intentional time together. Small daily times are helpful. Longer time, weekly (or so) scheduled together allows for deeper conversations to take place.
Talk- not just about jobs that need to be done. Burdens and joys of the day? Hopes for tomorrow? How are you really going? What are you thinking about today? Reading a book separately and talking about it has been helpful for us- why not start with Tim & Kathy Keller’s book on marriage (see our church library)?
Pray- praying for each other can be as simple as thanking God for something about your spouse, confessingto God where you’ve sinned against them and asking him to help them in their challenges unites you together under the Lord who joined you in marriage.
As we live all of our lives by the grace of the gospel, let us not drift apart but continue to rely on God to grow our marriages and all our relationships closer together.
