We Don’t Divide Over Daycare
Reforming Culture | a journal series on Gospel Culture
I have written on what the Bible calls matters of ‘opinion’ before here from Romans 14. There I wrote an essay, here is a shorter repost of some of that essay as an article.
For it’s always healthy for our church culture to speak to something that helps us love another. So for a church that has many families we have a wonderful opportunity to make sure the gospel is central and that we don’t divide over things like daycare.
Matters of Opinion on Parenting and Children
There’s no where more a sensitive topic that this, and as a parent I admit it comes close to home. Yet my concern is that in the church the difference between what is primary for parents and what are matters of opinion becomes blurry, fast.
As a parent and pastor, I know that a lot of parents operate on overwhelming guilt. Parents often feel a burden if guilt when they need not, when they could let Jesus take that burden. Parents don’t need more guilt and moralistic teaching, they need to hear the grace of Christ for their encouragement.
From Deuteronomy 6 through to Matthew 28, Ephesians 6, 1 Timothy 5, 1 Peter 3 - there are passages that show what parents are to do and even how to do it. Yet, there are many things that are matters of opinion. Parents, please know that though you have so many matters of opinion before you, that you are loved and welcome whatever your decisions as you disciple your children in the Lord - for that is primary.
Parents are to be the primary disciple-makers, within the context of a local church.
Parents both work in child-raising, in the home, and whilst Titus 2 gives teaching on women working at home, nowhere are women forbidden to work outside the home. For as long as they are discipling their children with home life being a key factor in such discipleship - the church must be careful not to mandate matters of opinion.
If we undertake careful exegesis, looking closely at Titus 2:1-5, we see that the actual issue here is that women are no to be ‘slanderers or slaves too much wine’. The Apostle Paul speaks to these same issues in 1 Timothy 5 where the danger is not young women being busy with another job outside the home - but that younger women (widows in this case) could be busybodies going from house to house saying what that they should not. (1 Timothy 5:13)
Women can work at home and work outside the home, we can see this in Proverbs 31:10-31, or in the New Testament examples of Aquila and Priscilla who were both tentmakers, or Lydia who is a dealer in purple cloth. Many women have paid work outside the home. Many women undertake volunteer work outside the home. Work is how we love our neighbour, and each of us can ask for wisdom from God in how we can do that. It would unwise, even quarrelsome, to criticise other people’s choices and make our own choices on matters of opinion to be mandated.
At a heart level we need to be careful that we don’t attach our self-worth or comparison with others based on our own choices. This is very important for pastors and preachers. As an example, I personally have an iPhone, tablet and computer - and that is hazardous material for my heart. I can have all the screen protection in the world and still find myself scrolling or looking for self-worth in likes or whatever my heart starts to believe this offers me. But…. I must be careful not to mandate phone use as a biblical application of any text. I must not foster quarrels over matters of opinion when it comes to phone use and parenting. I can counsel, for sure, and if you know my preaching then you’ll know that screen time appears in my counsel to Reforming more often than perhaps it should. I am always reforming - yet I use this example to be able to see what are matters of opinion.
Parents are to teach and nurture their children but we must be careful on making matters of opinion primary - such as the use of daycare. My wife and I did not use daycare, and we made choices for ourselves, but we would never seek to pass judgement on those who for various reasons have utilised daycare, or after school care or any such care. It may be that we all hold opinions on these matters, but the church needs to see that these are matters of opinion or circumstances.
The Bible teaches that parents are to teach their children Christ. They are to make little disciples by teaching these little learners, who’ll grow to be adult learners, the love of God for them in Jesus, the gospel, how to pray, how to read God’s word, how to repent, how to rejoice and be thankful.
But, the Bible doesn’t give details as to what secondary things have to look like.
The Bible doesn’t speak to the choice between public school or Christian school, or homeschool.
The Bible doesn’t teach that mum does the cooking and dishes and dad does the sports. Actually, there is that verse about men doing the dishes…
…and I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipes a dish, wiping it and turning it upside down. (2 Kings 21:13)
Ultimately we must see and believe that the Bible doesn’t make matters of opinion primary, where the Scriptures do not make primary.
We Don’t Divide Over Daycare
This means at Reforming you will never hear the gospel doctrine teach, nor see the church-wide gospel culture give shape to, mandates that women should not work outside the home. And if a woman has the ability to focus on only working at home, great - just don’t make it better than someone else’s situation. Especially don’t make such a matter a primary issue, and because of the Bible we will never teach that such an issue is primary at Reforming.
So at Reforming, you’ll never hear that parents are not to use daycare, or what they should or should not do aside from discipling their children in the Lord Jesus.
To be clear, there are a whole bunch of things you’ll never hear taught at Reforming.
You’ll never hear that your career is your calling.
You’ll never hear that marriage and singleness are inferior to each other.
You’ll never hear that you should or should not eat or drink certain things.
You’ll never hear matters of opinion taught as primary.
What you’ll hear is the gospel centrality that the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
Every Church Meets Matters of Opinion
Every church from the New Testament to now meets matters of opinion. It is part of our discipleship to make sure this doesn’t become a conflict of quarrelling, but of liberty and love. We encourage people of Reforming to have their Bibles open and talk through the Scriptures on these things - we just don’t seek to go in quarrelling circles or forming factions over these things.
Now, one might well say - “but surely some of these things are more important than what you eat and drink?!” The answer to that is clear - that there is more in the Bible on meat offered to idols than on many matters of opinion we would consider important today. It was an idolatry issue, and yet because of the gospel the real idolatry issues are now revealed for us.
It reminds me of those days of COVID, when someone (not of Reforming) asked me why I don’t “preach about the vaccines from that pulpit?” My answer comes from the whole of the book of Romans, with special reference to Romans 14… “because that pulpit is for preaching Christ.”
Every church meets matters of opinion, but what matters is listening to God’s word and making sure what our gospel doctrine and gospel culture is all about this…
17 For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. (Romans 14:17, ESV)
This flowing out of our gospel-won liberty, and for love. We don’t want the church to rob people of their liberty on matters of opinion - for the glory of God, our joy in Jesus, and for the welcoming of one another.
