“Is it okay to say you’re proud of others?”
As we finished our series from 2nd Corinthians, I received a thoughtful question from a Reforming Member - asking about the problem of pride: “Is it okay to say you’re proud of others?”
The Problem of Pride
We kept seeing throughout our 2nd Corinthians series that pride is one of those sins that camouflages in our hearts, blinding us to its presence and then is given expression in our words - which is boasting. Then pride pries apart even the closest of relationships, such as what exist in a church, as pride and divisiveness are part of Satan’s strategy for harassing and hurting churches. We saw of all this from 2nd Corinthians, that problem of pride.
But what about when we find ourselves saying to our children (I find myself saying this a lot to my kids), “I’m proud of you…” ? Is it okay to say you’re proud of others, be that the children and youth you teach at school, or others in your church?
There are three short things to say in a journal, that I think means it is okay to say you’re proud of others.
Biblically
We see throughout the Scriptures, and we saw fro 2nd Corinthians, that pride is a problem because pride is the gateway drug to selfishness. Pride makes everything about me. Yet, we also saw in 2nd Corinthians, in a letter that addresses that very issue of pride na divisiveness that makes everything in church all about self - a sin that divides churches - there is the opposite of selfish pride, a boasting about others.
Several times we see the apostle Paul say this, and one particularly verse that stands out is where the ESV translates a word for boasting in this fashion to speak of Paul’s pride and joy in others.
I am acting with great boldness toward you; I have great pride in you; I am filled with comfort. In all our affliction, I am overflowing with joy. (2 Corinthians 7:4)
Biblically speaking, we see words like this speak about how a person can feel, even speak, about others. Paul doesn’t say this to inflate the Corinthians own pride, he has no aim to puff them up, but to encourage them even as he throughout the letter gently rebukes them - because he loves them.
Theolgically
Theology is the study and love of God, that highest doctrine and devotion. As we see how the Bible speaks about pride we can then bring those words together and think, theologise, about God and what he speaks in the Scriptures about being proud of others. This means that we get to the heart of things by reflecting upon that highest knowledge (as Calvin says), the knowledge of God and knowledge of self. Why do we say we are proud of others? Why can we say that, more than just proof texting with a verse or two? It’s because theologically we are designed to be worshippers of God and interested in others interests above our own.
Of course sin has made a mess of that, sin wrecks everything - and so Jesus comes to change everything. Including how we see others. Because of the gospel, we can now not be enslaved to self and instead find joy in others, be encouraged by them, be proud of their growth as an image bearer - moreover as person growing in Christlikeness. This is our new boast, to boast in the Lord Jesus, and to boast in others.
Theologically we can think of others more. Yes, we need to be aware how pride can camouflage itself so well in our hearts that our pride in others could be a facade of expressing pride in our own extension of ourselves in other’s growth. The temptation of many a parent is to live vicariously through their children. But we ourselves can have less problematic pride in our life if we practice thinking of ourselves less, and others more.
Practically
Looking to others, saying that we are proud of others, grows in healthy if we practice the posture of our hearts and speak in practical ways that help others know what we mean when we say “I’m proud of you”. We could say “I’m encouraged by you”, or “you’ve done that so well”, or even “I’m proud of you because…” - for these are ways in which we are speaking about others because of them. This means we don’t get worried that we are saying something that is not okay, we’re not concerned that we’re speaking unbiblcally, because we are theologically showing them what we’re made for. Relationships that are other person-centred. And practically, when it comes to pride, that takes the problem out of it.
